Scott O’Sullivan – 4 weeks
On the 15th of July 2012, our wee Scotty was born three days late. Due the 12th, Scott James O’Sullivan Jr made mummy and daddy so happy. He was a healthy baby boy weighing 8lbs3oz and he was bright and alert looking around the labour suite just seconds old.
The days that followed were brilliant; he had made such an impact on everyone’s life with his lovely wee face and his beautiful bright blue eyes. He was so perfect, a special gift from God as I now know. He was the first boy in the family for a long long time and in my mum’s family he was the first boy ever! Everyone had been overcrowded with little girls when Scott came along. Daddy had always wanted a wee boy and after having two girls to a previous relationship his dreams had also come true. A boy he could finally name after him to keep the family name going.
The night before tragedy struck, I remember sitting Scott on my lap and taking photographs of him in his bunny pjs and he was staring right at me, it made so happy to know someone so little loved me so much. I had really just started getting into the swing of motherhood, my tiredness was sorting itself out and I had my appetite back. Things were great.
Exactly a month after Scott was born, I awoke to find Scott in our bed not breathing. After shouting on my partner to wake up, he soon had Scott on the bed giving him mouth to mouth trying to get him breathing again. He was shouting at me to call 999 but I couldn’t remember how to with the shock so I went next door and got our neighbour George. George came in and took Wee Scott from daddy and the next thing I knew the whole close was out trying to help. The man upstairs was a retired paramedic and he was on the phone to the NHS getting instructions what to do with Scott. We got to the hospital after what felt like an eternity in the ambulance. The ambulance men were great, they tried so hard for Wee Scotty. Once we were at Yorkhill Hospital, the doctors managed to get Scotty’s little heart beating again, words cannot describe the relief it was to hear the words, “His heart’s beating on its own”. Only to be a false sense of hope. They kept Scott on life support for 48 hours doing tests, basically just giving him a chance at life even though we had been told at the start there was a 99% chance he’d die due to no oxygen getting to the brain. He was brain-dead and with this the doctors told us in a sense he was already gone. His brain had given up and he couldn’t breathe on his own.
That day was the worst day of our lives, when we had to decide when to turn off the life support machines, it was impossible. We told the doctor to just do it when they wanted as we were never going to be ready to say goodbye to our beautiful baby. We took prints of his hand and foot for ourselves and close relatives which was a special moment and will stay a very important moment in our life. Friday the 17th August at 21.40, Scott was taken off his machines and placed in mummy and daddy’s arms where he fell asleep peacefully. We sat with him for a wee while wishing things were different before we decided it was time to leave the nurses to do what they had to do. That night, when we got to the flat we had been staying in, was horrendous. I never knew what grief was until I was alone in the kitchen and I broke down, my arms were aching to hold him and I couldn’t stop screaming. Knowing what I had to plan the next week was a horrible thought and I knew it had to be perfect for my gorgeous Angel.
We had him home the night before we said our final goodbyes, he looked so peaceful and cute just like he always had. We made sure he had lots of lovely little bits and bobs in his little bed to keep him company. The service was beautiful and went just the way we wanted it, with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as we were leaving. Our wee boy was now with God and we had to accept that.
It’s been a long hard journey since we lost our son but we go to his sleeping spot weekly and tidy it up to keep it looking lovely. With strength and hope we have re built our lifes and even have a new baby. Her name is Marley and she is just as beautiful as Scott. She has the same big blue eyes and cheeky grin. The only difference is she has dark hair whereas he had light. I get comfort from knowing my wee girl has a special Angel watching her and his name is Angel Scotty.
Lauren Roche (Mum)