Musa: 2 days

Baby Musa

I always wanted four kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. I have 3 kids, Aqeel, 12, Maryam, 9 and Subhaan, 6. I had Musa after a six year gap. I was so happy. My whole family was happy, complete. Maryam she wanted a girl but when she saw Musa she was just over the moon and my husband, Imtiaz was overwhelmed. Musa was born on the 7th July 2010, a Wednesday morning. I came home on Thursday afternoon. Everything had gone very smoothly my labour was not bad.

When we came home everyone was so excited. My kids wanted to take turns of holding Musa, my neighbours all came in to see us. Everyone was saying he was so cute. Maryam wanted to take him for a walk. I said ‘No, Maryam, we will take him tomorrow’. We just came back from the hospital. Let us give him a nice bath; everyone helped give him his bath. I fed him and we all had dinner. All of the family wanted to play with Musa, I said ok, but I am tired, I am going to go to bed you guys play with him. I remember walking up the stairs and turning looking at my family, my husband and my four kids all so happy. Life was perfect.

I asked my husband to waken me when Musa needed a feed or if he was crying. At about 1 O’clock in the morning Imtiaz woke me up and said to feed the baby. I was trying to feed him but he didn’t take it. I kept trying, he was on and off until 6 O’clock. He seemed okay though. I asked my husband to please, hold him then. I had some pain down below and asked him to please give me some painkillers. He woke me up and gave me the painkillers and a hot water bottle and took Musa down the stairs. He was fine at that. I woke up at 8.45am and went down the stairs, the baby was asleep in his moses basket and my husband was asleep on the sofa. I picked him up and did not realise, I started talking to him. My husband woke up and he asked how I was feeling. I said ok, but Musa he was not waking up… Let me change his nappy I thought, when I was closing his vest buttons I realised his skin was very patchy. I screamed, and my husband came and I said something was wrong with our baby. He was not waking up and his skin is not looking good. When he saw he ran for the phone and called the ambulance. Everyone did everything, they took him to the hospital and there they tried hard to save his life but they could not bring him back. It is really hard to accept that your baby is not here after waiting for six years for him. You had a baby and he came home for two days. It is just really really sad. I do not have any words to describe how I feel. How can I say our baby passed away after two days? I am still trying to come to terms with what has happened but I fail all the time.

My GP contacted the health visitor who was kind and she put us in touch with the Scottish Cot Death Trust. Lynda the nurse; she came round to see us. This has been great, I get support and find it helps having someone to talk to. Just to know how I feel is how others feel too. It has been hard, but my husband and my kids have all been very supportive. We think about Musa all the time, we miss him so much.
We love you Musa, we really do.