Marc 6 months
I have decided to share my experience with other angel parents as it’s such a lonely hard journey but the sad part is we all have the same pain in common & we’re not alone.
I’m Michelle & I lost my handsome wee guy, Marc, who was almost 6 months. This was 22 years ago although still feels like yesterday.
So Marc was my second son. I had his big brother Scott at 17 – yip, a young mum but a good mum. I stayed with my mum & 3 brothers. It was early hours 31/7/1997 I went in to labour and it was only 2 hours later my wee chunky boy came in to the world. He was a healthy 8lb 13oz with snow white hair and big blue eyes. He was gorgeous and I loved my boys with my whole heart!
I had extremely good natured babies & amazing sleepers which was good as my mum always let me still get time to go out with friends because I was young. I would bath them & put them to bed first.
It was a cold January night & I put boys to bed – usual routine and went to visit a friend. When I came back a few hours later my mum was sitting with Marc as he woke up and didn’t want to go back to sleep. He was all smiles looking at me so I gave him a big cuddle and he fell asleep in my arms. I put him in his cot I then went to my own bed. I woke up at 6am and went to the bathroom. I checked to make sure boys had not kicked covers off so I covered Scott up & went to Marc’s cot & had such a horrible feeling. I went to pick him up & he was freezing. I panicked and ran downstairs screaming. My brother ran up and I heard a scream. I will never get that scream out of my head. He ran down with Marc in his arms and my mum phoned an ambulance while my brother tried CPR. It was too late he was gone. My God it destroyed my whole house – for years and years we all tried to protect each other’s feelings & also my son who didn’t know what was going on, wee soul. We got help from the Scottish Cot Death Trust & they done a great deal to help us all with groups and stuff. It’s then you realise how many others are sharing the same loss as you. I was totally heartbroken that all these parents had lost a baby as well. I just thought life is so cruel
I was 19 at the time and don’t think I dealt with my loss at time but find it harder to get through it now. I’m still on medication to this day.
Last week my daughter was going up to the cemetery to take up flowers as I still can’t go. It’s just too hard. I looked at my daughter who is 19 now and thought wow my poor mum had to cope with losing her grandson but also watch her daughter going through losing her son. I don’t think I gave her enough credit at the time but if it wasn’t for her and my son, I don’t think I would be here right now. I will never stop loving Marc. We speak about him all the time & of course his picture still gets put up beside his siblings. I will never be the same girl I was. I’m always going 2 have a piece of my heart not here but with my angel.