Kayleigh’s Story

When I was year old, my baby sister Abbie passed away at ten weeks old. I don’t have any memories of her unfortunately, and we have only a few pictures. When I look at the pictures I think about how alike we look, the older I got the harder I felt it was for me to deal with my sister’s death. All I wanted was to be normal. I didn’t want to be the persons whose sister wasn’t around anymore. It was like a little piece of me was gone. As I grew up, birthdays, Christmas’s, her anniversary all came and were gone again. I t felt like a big unfair circle. When people told me they understood how I felt, I wanted to scream. The truth is nobody will really understand how this feels, and I really hope someday people won’t have to anymore. I have always had someone there to speak to me if I felt down even if they didn’t understand they would give me a hug and tell me everything will be okay. It is so difficult to explain to people why you are upset because once you explain they never treat you the same ever again. It is so difficult to explain to people that your sibling has passed away; you don’t want to do it anymore because it just becomes painful to talk about it.

I didn’t want to speak to my parents about Abbie in case I upset them. I’ve always had amazing friends would try their best to help me when I needed them or they would just try to cheer me up. As I was growing up my sister was always in the back of my mind. I think because of the very small age gap I have with my sister, it makes things just a little more difficult. We’re even the same age for two weeks; I wish she could be here with me for just one day. Whilst I was growing up my mum and dad were very honest with me and my two other little brothers about Abbie. I think because of the impact losing Abbie had on my life, she has made me a strong and independent person. However I have some days when I just want to lie in bed and cry. I used to hide the fact that I missed Abbie from everyone. However now I do know that I have every right to cry and it’s good to let it all out when I need too.

If you are a sibling this story, my story is for you. I hate the fact that my sisters gone, however she has made me into the strongest person I could possibly be. I have absolutely no doubt you are the same. If you are a parent, uncle, granny or granddad please show this to another sibling who has been affected by Cot death. I know how alone I felt, and I wish I had seen someone else write exactly how this feels. I wish someone had been brave enough to write about the hardest thing they had ever been through. Writing my story about how losing Abbie has affected me, it has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Despite how hard this was I wish I had done it sooner. It made me realise how much I want to help other siblings. So please just let another sibling read my story, you never know it might completely change their point of view on one of the hardest things they will ever go through.

By Kayleigh Penman (Sister)